Tips to Flirt With a Stranger

With both Valentine's Day and Singles Awareness Day approaching, you may want a date to an upcoming event but don't want to ask people you already know. In honor of the third week of February being International Flirting Week, strike up a conversation with a stranger across the room or an apartment neighbor whom you find attractive. You never know where it might lead when you follow the steps below to flirting like a pro.

Seem approachable.

  "Approachable" does not mean you have to wear the most expensive clothes or turn your purse label outward so everyone can see it; instead, it means seeming clean, friendly and down-to-earth. Most people value confidence and a sense of humor over any other trait - just don't let that confidence come across as cockiness.

Mind your reputation.

 If you're at a bar, go easy on the drinks if you want to meet someone in particular, and don't let your apartment become a swinging door for dates if you want to meet your neighbor across the hall. Even in the short term, your reputation precedes you and may affect how others perceive you.

Read body language.

 From across the room or when you pass someone while walking, you can tell their general feelings toward you. If their stance is open, feet pointing toward you, and if they're looking at you constantly, making eye contact with you, these are all good signs, but they're not all-inclusive. If you see one positive body language sign, look for others to confirm that this person might be interested in talking to you more.

Notice traits about that person.

 You'll have to talk to this person eventually, and you'll need something to talk about. Observe what that person is drinking, what they have been interested in, what you see them doing and how you see them reacting to situations they're in. These will give you topic gems to be able to talk to them later.

Initiate a conversation.

Don't go for cliches, such as "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" and "Nice weather we're having, huh?" as these are generally closed-ended questions. Instead, say something clever and/or complimentary but not cheesy. In other words, don't watch romantic comedies to inspire you for what to say.

Be cool.

Above all, don't put too much pressure on yourself or the other person to respond. Chemistry is something that naturally happens, and if you're sweating like crazy or at a loss of something to say because you're so nervous, the other person will never get to know the real you. Don't expect every flirting attempt to turn into marriage; instead, look at it as more practice for better flirting.

Be yourself.

Having said that about minding your reputation, this does not include squelching your personality or accent and worrying your hair is not the right color or your laugh is too loud. These are all things that make you uniquely you, and you should never hide them from anyone.

Open up - but not too much.

As you continue to talk with this person, he or she will reveal clues about their lifestyle and preferences, and you should reciprocate, gradually. This is not the time to talk about exes, negativity or even politics, and you'll want to leave a little mystery so they want to hear more.

Show common courtesy.
 
Show this person your complete attention, but don't stare. Avoid checking your phone or any televisions around for the game score. Laugh at their jokes, listen to what they say and enjoy getting to know this person.

Get next steps.

Just like a job interview, there's a natural ending to flirting, typically because the other person has something else planned. If you feel comfortable, get the person's phone number or email address, and if you're feeling the conversation has gone particularly well, arrange a date with that person. If the person isn't interested, it's okay - there are plenty of people to flirt with. Be polite either way, and if you make a connection, congratulations. That wasn't that hard, was it?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7809675

Relationship Wisdom - The Right Partner

Many of my clients in relationship counseling either wonder how to find the right partner or whether the one they have is the right one. Where are you at: in your search or in your questioning of whom you are with?

The Right Partner

Imagine two circles. They symbolize two people, two individual people. That is the situation before you meet: You are each a unique person with likes and dislikes, interests etc.

Once you meet someone imagine that the two circles start to overlap. You will find common elements that you can relate to in the other person. This overlap is what symbolizes your commonalities.
The fact is that you will never be equal to anyone else. Some people need more overlap with another person to feel comfortable with them, and others need less.

The question whether you found the right person for you is whether you are comfortable with the overlap and the parts where you don't overlap. This will always be an answer for this point in time.

The factor of time and development

Over time you will change, the things you are able to perceive, how you perceive them change and so does the content of your circle. The same applies to your partner. At some point in time you might no longer be willing to share time and space with your partner because of this change or because you have changed your perspective of what still might be the same content. What might have seemed 'right' at one moment might not be later.

Sustaining relationship

Knowing the key is your decision to sustain a relationship. Sometimes the parts that don't overlap might be such a deal-breaker or the parts that overlap are simply no longer sufficient that it leads to a break-up. At other times it means that the time has come to put effort, time and energy back into your relationship. Sustaining love is not something that just happens to you, like falling in love (you might think). Things in a mature relationship rarely happen spontaneously. Like you don't just find yourself randomly at the gym at 6am, you plan for it and make it a routine.

Relationship success and longevity is not a mystery, which works for some and not for others. It starts with your decision to do so, to make the person you found the person you love, learning to inject daily love and attention into your relationship and work on areas that need improvement.

The right person will be the right person as long as you decide so and are willing to give it your focused time and energy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7824540

How Do I Get My Ex Back? Some Simple Tips to Win Back Your Ex Girlfriend

Okay, so the break up means that no matter what, you don't have a chance of being able to get back with your ex girlfriend no matter how much you might want to - right?

Wrong! In most circumstances, you will have a chance to win her back and have her in your life again, but that is ONLY going to happen IF you do certain things that are going to attract her back to you.

If you try to win back your ex girlfriend the way that most guys go about it, you are going to be sorely disappointed because the things that most men do end up driving away their ex for good. You don't want that, so you might as well find out what you can do to win her back, right?
Here are some simple tips to help you win back your ex girlfriend:

1. She won't be attracted to you if you whine about the break up.

Whining just is not an attractive male quality and yet - a lot of men will whine to their ex about how unfair she is being. You don't want to do that. You want to make her feel more attracted to you, not less attracted. So, even if you do get the impulse to whine to your ex girlfriend about how unfair the break up was - fight it. You can't take it back once you do whine and that alone can end up proving to be more than enough to turn her off to you.

2. She will be attracted to you if you are nonchalant about the break up.

I am not saying that you want to act like it had no emotional impact on you, but the more nonchalant you are, the better. See, a lot of guys won't act this way because they are seeking out pity from their ex girlfriend. However, all of the pity in the world is not a guarantee that she is going to take you back. On the other hand, being nonchalant about the break up gives off the impression that you can handle it maturely, and that is going to be an attractive thing to your ex girlfriend.

3. The more sexual tension you can create with your ex girlfriend, the better.

If you can make your ex girlfriend feel an undeniably real sexual tension around you after the break up, not only can you win her back pretty fast, but you can end up experiencing some of the best makeup sex ever. You really have to work on this, because the more intense the sexual tension is, the easier it is to get her back and the quicker she will come back to you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7833203

Relationships: Why Do Some Men Fear Women?

As men are often physically stronger than women, it often makes it hard to comprehend that they could be fearful of women. This is something that can sound illogical and abnormal. When some people hear this it can sound like some kind of joke.

But while this may sound illogical and even laughable, for men who have this fear, it is a very real experience and not a laughing matter. The idea that comes to mind of a man that fears women, could be one that looks weak or feeble for example.

And yet, this can relate to a man that is also physically well developed. Appearances are irrelevant here and they do not define whether a man will fear women or not.

Challenges

There are then going to be numerous challenges that will appear in one's life due to having this fear. The primary one is probably going to relate to the area of intimacy and in attracting the kind of woman or women that one wants.

However, this can also lead to difficulties in ones career and when it comes to connecting to colleagues and mangers that are female. The desire to have friends who are female may be there, but this may not be possible through having this fear.

Behaviour

Although this can be known through numerous styles of behaviour, there is likely to be certain patterns that one will experience. And no matter what these are, the consequences are going to be the same: a man's needs and wants will be denied.

So these could relate to behaviours that are extreme to behaviours that are more subtle in nature. And some of these are: a man could avoid women during certain situations or try to avoid them altogether; act: submissive, shy, and overly polite or go quiet around them.

The Body

While behaviour is one way that this fear shows itself, what is going in the body is what usually precedes the behaviour. This can be a combination of: feelings, emotions and sensations. For a man that fears women, it is going to be fairly certain that anxiety is something they are all too familiar with.

During an experience with a woman, ones whole body could be consumed with a myriad of emotions and feelings; along with different sensations that appear and lead to tightness and unease in different parts of the body.

Reasons

There are common reasons as to why a man would fear women and these are often taken from evolutionary psychology or some area of science. Here, it is often said that this fear is hard wired and part of a man's nature for instance. Or they may be some kind of historical explanation.

And although this may sound right and even legitimate, especially if it's come from the world of science, it rarely leads to solutions. So some kind of validation is attained, but not much else.

The Story Maker
When it comes to understanding why things happen and what causes them, the mind sees itself as the expert. And whatever the mind comes up with is usually what is labelled as the truth, when it comes to what causes things to happen.

The mind does this through interpreting what is sees and these interpretations are created through the mind drawing on what is knows. This can be a combination of past experiences, intellectual knowledge and assumptions for instance.

But while the mind is the observer of life and forms answers through interpretation, the body is what experiences life in real time and contains the real answers as to why something happens.

The Rejection

As feelings can often be painful and overwhelming, it can lead to one rejecting their body and living in their head. And then one can come to see the head as having the answers and not the body.
These can be painful feelings that were formed in the very beginning of ones life. However, though living in one's head and ignoring the body, the real answers become ignored and overlooked. So the kind of history that had and the real origins of these feelings then becomes a mystery.

Causes

One of the biggest factors in defining whether a man will feel comfortable or uncomfortable with women will depend on what their early relationship was like with their mother. How they responded to a man's needs, wants and desires as a child will be incredibly important.

And this will largely be a result of what her emotional sate was like. If she was empathic and emotionally available, these needs would generally be met and the mother would be stable in most cases.

But if the mother was emotionally unavailable and unempathic, then these needs, wants and desires would generally go unmet. And this also means that the mother could be unstable. If this is the case, the mother may have had moments of being mildly to extremely emotionally, verbally or physically abusive.

Consequences

So in the case of the mother that was emotionally unstable, it would have lead to all kinds of unpleasant emotions being created. In some cases, this kind of mother would be labelled as having a borderline personality.

For if one had a mother like this, then to feel fear would be normal. What was going to happen next would be unknown and therefore anxiety would also be normal. While one may have felt: fear, anxiety, rejection, panic and that it was unsafe amongst other emotions. If the mother was emotionally unaware, then these emotions would have had to have been pushed out of one's awareness as a child.

This would have been essential when it came to their survival. As although this mother was unstable and even intimidating, she was also imperative to ones existence.

The Forgotten Past

Years can then go by and one will have gone form a child to a man. But while one has physically changed, it doesn't mean that one has emotionally changed. Due to these feelings being pushed down during those early moments, they then became trapped and frozen in the body.

This means that they will want to come out and be released. The body wants to release them, but the mind can get in the way of this process and will use all kinds of defence mechanisms. So whenever one comes across a woman, these repressed feelings and emotions will appear once more. As other women are simply triggering what exists within.

Awareness

To hear that a man is fearful of women can sound illogical, but if a man had an early upbringing like this, then it is completely logical. It is more a case of how else could they feel around women.
These feelings and emotions that have built up will need to be released. And this can be done through a healer or a therapist that will allow one to face and release their emotional history.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7842746

Men From Mars, Women From Venus, and Love and Respect

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus; one book put it that way.

Yet it seems that two people cohabiting together as a married couple will need more from each other than the acceptance that they are completely different. Too often we get stuck in stereotyping men and women. We can no sooner categorise either before we run into the roadblock of ignorance.
Women may wish to be loved and men may wish to be respected, but don't these two outcomes of God's grace through us run together?

 Surely the woman wants to be respected as much as she is loved, and the man needs to be loved as much as he is respected.

I wonder if it is even discernible whether men need to be respected more than loved, or women need to be loved more than respected. I think it is a moot point.

Sometimes we try to make too much of the biblical mandate.

There is much that can be made of Ephesians 5:21-33, and Paul does write in terms of husbands loving their wives and wives respecting their husbands. And maybe it can be said that when a husband loves his wife he respects her and when a wife respects her husband she loves him.
Rather than stop at one, we could go into both virtue and make the most of both of them for our partners.

GROWING BOTH LOVE AND RESPECT

When we imagine ourselves as able to love unconditionally and have such respect we reveal the true virtue of humility - where pride is nullified and we don't respond in a hurt way by things that might otherwise hurt us - we offer a lot of safety and dependability to our partners. Maturity begets grace as grace begets maturity. This surely applies to both men and women.

Surely it is also God's will that we work on both love and respect, treating those of the opposite gender more as partners in humanity, rather than Mars or Venus foes that cannot be understood.
As men and women we have more in common than what we think. We can still appreciate our differences as we celebrate our similarities. It's best we all invest in both love and respect.

The routine withholding of love and respect in marital relationships can spell the death knell of a union. Conversely, when both partners resolve to love and respect each other because they want the best for their partner, marriages can soar to previously unknown heights of mutual satisfaction.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7844683

Will Your Relationship Last? 7 Must Read Questions

The way to know if your romance will last is to observe your partner's past and present behavior, especially in group settings, and to learn the proven skills to make marriage work. Because I see so much of the damage caused by people blindly connecting, rushing through the stages of commitment, and not creating the solid basis a true relationship needs, I always welcome the chance to do pre-commitment counseling.

 My job is to ask the tough questions that, in the excitement of a new romance, the couple may not have considered. Here are several questions every couple should consider before moving in together or making joint financial commitments:

1. What is your definition of commitment?

Whether you know it or not, you and your partner will define your relationship. If you don't know what your relationship means to both the of you, you risk repeating past mistakes, getting stuck in uncomfortable roles, or fighting about what a healthy relationship is. Talk about what you mean by words such as relationship, commitment, love, and faithfulness. You'll be amazed by what you learn.

2. Have you discussed finances?

Next to sex, money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples tend to assume that money should be pooled, but it usually isn't that easy. A disparity in income can mean struggling about who pays for what, or whose income determines your lifestyle. Different financial habits (one likes to save, the other spends more, or doesn't keep track) can become a source of argument. For many couples, separating your money makes things run smoother; you don't wind up struggling for control. You can split expenses evenly, or work out a percentage share if your incomes are different.

3. What about household responsibilities?

If you're not yet living together, take a tour of each other's homes. Drastically different decorating styles, neatness, and organization levels can become sources of argument, and so can housekeeping and chores. If you have different tastes, it may require a lot of creativity and negotiation to decorate a joint home in a way that makes both of you comfortable.Additionally, think hard before moving into your partner's established home. You may have trouble feeling as if you "belong" in a home that was previously established by your partner, unless you participate together in reorganizing and redecorating it.

4. How close are you to family or friends?

If one of you has a lot of family or friends, and the other does not, find out what those relationships mean. Where will you spend holidays? If there are family members who have problems, such as addiction or mental illness, how much will that impact your relationship?

5. How do you handle anger and other emotions?

We all get upset from time to time. If you are usually good at diffusing each other's anger, and being supportive through times of grief or pain, your emotional bond will deepen as time goes on. If your tendency is to react to each other and make the situation more volatile and destructive, you need to correct that problem before you live together.

6. How do you show love to each other?

Sharing what actions and words mean love to you may be surprising. Even if it's a struggle, discussing how you give and receive love will improve your relationship. You will understand what makes each of you feel loved, and how to express your love effectively.

7. How well did you discuss these very questions?

Asking yourselves these questions are excellent tests of your ability to define and work out problems. Constructive discussion that leads to a mutually satisfactory solution means you know how to solve problems in your relationship. If not, get counseling before going further.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7844998

Relationships: Where Do Women's Expectations Of Men Come From?

When it comes to what a man is going to be like or what a woman is going to be like, we all have a set of expectations. And although these can be consciously known, they are very often out of one's conscious awareness. So while a woman may be unaware of what their expectations are of men, they can find out in another way.

And the way they will typically find out is through the kind of men they attract into their lives and the kind of men they are attracted to. The general experiences that they have with men will reveal what they expect.

Random Occurrences

It would be natural to think that all men are the same or that one has no control over the kind of men that one comes into contact with, but these expectations have incredible power.
If one expects something, it will mean that they will pull it into their lives. Because this is not simply a passive process where one is observing what is showing up. What is showing up is actually the result of what is being asked for; the challenge is that this form of communication is often going on out of one's conscious awareness.

Relationships

And the kind of relationships that a woman has with men is going to be where they receive feedback about what they expect. This can relate to: family, colleagues, managers, friends and lovers for example.

Each of these areas of relationships can have a big impact on a women's life. And although they are all important and play a part in a women's life; the most important area will often relate to the kind of lovers they attract.

Higher Expectations

As this is often a foundation of any women's life and the area where they will be the most emotionally connected to a man and have the highest expectations; the rest will generally not be as important. They will still have an impact of course, but while a woman may consciously expect to be with a man that is respectful and loving for instance, they are likely to expect a lot less when it comes to a colleague, manager or a family member.

And as a result of expecting less, when these other relationships are not as fulfilling, it is not going to be as influential. For if a woman has a relationship with a man that is fulfilling the relationships with men that are not fulfilling are more likely to be dismissed and not taken personally.
But if a woman has not got a solid relationship with a lover or even with her father, brother or male friends, then there is not going to be as much to fall back on when they experience men in general as being unpleasant.

Expectations

Now, for some women their expectations of men will be fairly high and this could then lead to a woman having experiences with men that are fulfilling and rewarding. There will be other women who have fairly average expectations and their relationships may then be somewhat fulfilling and fairly rewarding.

And then there will be women who have extremely low expectations of men. This means that their experiences with mean are inevitably going to be unfulfilling and without much reward.

Two Levels

However, as some women will know - just because they have high expectations, it doesn't necessarily mean that the men they attract will match up. And this is the result of what is going on at a deeper level and how these two aspects can be in conflict with each other.
So there is what is consciously expected and this is often going to be the ideal and what a women truly wants to experience when it comes to men.

And at a deeper level there is another set of expectations and these can not only be in conflict with what is actually wanted, but they also have the biggest influence.

The Ego Mind

These expectations are often unknown at a conscious level, but they will be classed as familiar and therefore safe to the ego mind. And this means that they will be what one feels comfortable with and that is regardless of whether they are functional or healthy expectations,

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7859225

What Are Good Conversation Starters for Speed Dating?

Have you struggled with trying to get the best conversation starters up and running when dating? This might be particularly tough if you are trying to get into the speed dating circle. That's why it is such a good idea to use a few conversation starters to give yourself a better chance with keeping your conversation working out right.

One good idea for starting up a conversation is to talk about personal histories. It's always a good idea to ask someone about where one is from because it allows a person to open up about one's past and what one does for a living. It could also bring about a bit of someone's background to make someone more interesting and unique in some way.

It's also a good idea to talk about what one does for a living. You might have a better chance with talking to someone if you are open about what you want to hear. This includes being open about one's personal life and history. You could particularly have a better chance with dating someone if you simply talk about the present and try to link yours up with your partner's. Anything that makes you a little more compatible is always a plus.

It's alright to talk about past relationships when talking with someone about the dating scene. The fact is that a person who is on a date is open going to be likely to want to talk about what you might be different from someone else or why you are so special when compared to other people. It's an interesting point about dating that is worth spotting or trying out because it makes you understand your partner a little more.

Try to talk about interests with your partner during a speed date. Part of speed dating often involves working harder to get you and your partner to link up together in some way by talking about things you like to do or have interests in. This could give you a better time with showing yourself for who you are without being all that difficult to be around.

The final thing to do is to simply talk about what's going on around the area that your speed date is in. Sometimes this might open up a conversation about your life and what you like to do or even things that you are getting into lately. It is often done to improve your chances with getting your life in order. Getting into your local environment and trying to incorporate it into your date is often an interesting thing to do but it may work if you are good enough with setting up a strong sense of communication for whatever it is you want to do in your date.

The best conversation starters are more than just key points of communication for speed dating. They are also things that help you to get in touch with someone that you're interested in being with during a speed dating event. It will be smart to find the right starters to simply make your conversation with someone a little more effective in the long run.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7867168

Is Your Heart Dead or Alive?

Death can mean:

• We stop caring
• We shut down emotionally
• We isolate
• We become cynical or sarcastic

Every once and a while something may happen to stir us, reminding us of the distant passions we've boxed up and put on the shelf in the name of broken dreams. But for the most part, we live flat, never taking risks and never stepping outside the box.

Then there's God. He usually gets a bad rap for our suffering. He gets blamed when we can't answer the "why" questions. But maybe it's not why we should be asking-maybe it's what.
I feel like I've had a fair amount of suffering, but in the process I discovered a couple key things that turned things around for me. The first is that if I keep focusing on the whys of my suffering, I'm fighting the wrong battle.

Even though we all want to know why this or that happened-we may never, so what's the point of wasting so much time and negative energy doing something that has no payoff.
Instead of staying stuck in the why, I decided to try something different- I started looking at what my suffering was accomplishing in me, and if I was willing to be personally responsive to how God was leading me in and through it. Here are some of the things I considered about suffering:

• It creates dependence
• It weans me from worldly things
• It makes me more other focused
• It reveals what I really love
• It reveals God's glory

Last year I got a severe case of the flu. I suffered every bodily ache and pain imaginable for 2 weeks. I was so sick I couldn't even get out of bed to get myself a necessary glass of water to break my raging fever. I was totally helpless. I had to depend on others to care for me, and in that dependence, I was blessed.

Suffering shifted my focus. I wasn't all worked up about how I looked, that I hadn't washed my hair, or that I'd get cellulite from not working out for 2 weeks. In my suffering I wasn't focused on worldly things.

My suffering also got me thinking about how others suffer everyday. I thought of Joni Eareckson Tada, who has been a quadriplegic for decades, and how she deals with her illness with such grace and courage. I felt grateful I hadn't been called to suffer like that.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7867534

When Should I Say Sorry?

I thoughtlessly knocked into someone in the supermarket the other day and she apologised to me even though it wasn't her fault! Actually, I have noticed that British people do tend to say sorry over the least thing. It seems to be an unthinking response in the presence of strangers. Perhaps we do it as a way of trying to be polite to cover up any embarrassment.

Yet, is it not the case that we can hesitate before saying 'I'm sorry', in more important matters, for fear of getting all the blame, or of being punished?

Need for apology

I have found that when you really have let someone down like forgetting to do a job or keep a social arrangement, the other person does need an apology and also receive some indication of why. Without these two things, it really is more difficult for them to let go and move on without harbouring resentment. One example is the resentment of a house seller after the purchaser pulls out of the deal at the last moment without giving any meaningful reason - this despite the vendor having invested much time, money, and emotion in the preparations for house change.

No one is perfect and in our personal lives inevitably we make a few thoughtless mistakes from time to time and sometimes are even careless of other people's needs. Pouring oil on to troubled waters is so important. How often do you hear about so-and-so not talking to someone because of something he or she had done or failed to do. And of course the longer this failure of communication goes on the more difficult it is to heal the rift. Sadly a family feud can last for years.

Fear of punishment

Sometimes all it needed was an apology. But has there ever been a time when you failed to say 'sorry'? Perhaps it was because you had no excuse to offer and was uneasy about the other guy getting cross with you.
Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit.
(Edward R. Murrow)

Fogging

There are of course a few people you might happen to offend who love to play the blame game. Once you recognise this person as someone who takes delight in putting others down then you might be a bit cautious in how you apologise even when you are at least partly in the wrong. This overcritical person can need careful handling.

There is a technique taught by assertion skills coaches called 'fogging'. The idea is to disarm the verbal bully by not defensively justifying one's mistakes - not getting into a fight that the bully knows all too well how to win.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7870577

Manipulation in Relationships

Photoshop or digital image-editing software is used to manipulate images to look different from the original or to give the image a look which you desire. Manipulation is no different, it's about controlling a person or a situation to get what you want. Why? A lot of things could cause this behavior.

Do you find yourself doing things that you do not really want to? When someone close to you or in power suggests that you do something against your will, how do you feel?

People use manipulation as a way of controlling people, events and their own lives. It's a type of self-defense mechanism. Usually, these people who try manipulative tricks had no control as toddlers, often abused or abandoned, etc. Or in adulthood they believe manipulation is a means of getting what they want. Using the trick gives them power and power feels euphoric.

Checkmate is a game position in chess in which a player's king is threatened with capture and there is no way to counter the threat. Or, simply put, the king is under direct attack and cannot avoid being captured. Similar is the game of manipulation, to create a situation wherein the other person is captured and victimized.

To manipulate someone, is to play with someone's mind. You try to convince the other person that what you are suggesting is the best option for him, though you know it is going to work in your favor.
For example when Zora told her mom she would go to her in-laws place if she is a burden for them, she knew what will be the reply from her parents and she got what she wanted and just stayed for days together by making her parents feel guilty of asking her to go back to her house.

The manipulator sees himself at the center of the universe and other things revolve around him. He is happy with the sense of ownership and possession of everything, feels little empathy for others, and does little for others unless there is personal advantage.

The trick is to recognize it and ensure that you are neither a manipulator nor being manipulated, as this represents a dysfunctional relationship. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. Tears: When someone wells up with tears in his eyes, it doesn't necessarily mean their genuine tears.
2. Punishment: Withdrawing love and support.
3. Lie: Manipulators are skilled liars. They make up stories that sound logical in order to make people feel sorry for them so they can get something.
4. Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and steering the conversation to another topic.
5. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.
6. Anger: Manipulator uses anger to for emotional intensity to get the victim into submission.
7. Guilt trip: This manipulative behavior seeks to make you feel guilty.

To identify manipulative behaviors, think about what they do and whether their words are used to get you to do something that you really don't want to do. Ask yourself few questions about the purpose of their actions.
Once you identify the manipulator make a wise choice of either cutting off from him or ignore him. Just stay your ground and do not attempt twisting and learn to say 'No'.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7869089

Strategies for Coping With a Break Up With Your Boyfriend - 4 Effective Coping Techniques

You've broken up with your boyfriend and now, you are ready to try to cope with the whole situation. You don't want to become one of those women who always talks about her ex, who obviously hasn't been able to find a way to move on. Even if deep down, you feel like you want to be able to get back together with him, you still have to find a way to cope in a healthy way.

Here are some strategies for coping with a break up with your boyfriend:

1. Delete your ex boyfriend from your Facebook friends list.

Shocking, I know, but having him remain on your friends list is just going to make things harder. You might have the restraint most days not to check up on him, but it is those "low days" when you are most likely going to find yourself creeping over to his page to see what he might be up to and those are the days when you really should not be doing things like that.

2. Take down any pictures that you might have out in the open with you and him together or even just him by himself.

These are going to be reminders of what once was, what could have been, and the guy who is no longer there right now. You don't need those reminders. Not when you are trying to do the right thing and cope with the break up. You don't have to go as far as destroying them, especially if there is a part of you that wants to see if you can win him back, but for now - put them away where they cannot be seen.

3. Schedule yourself a nice girls night out.

You need your friends during the times when you might feel the most down. See if you can round up the girls and schedule a night to go out and have some fun. That might make you take your mind off of the break up AND remind you that all is not lost - you still have your friends that you can rely on. Let them know why, so that no one brings up the topic of "him" so you don't end up droning on and on about him. This is a night to forget about him and just have some fun.
 
4. Rediscover YOU.

During a relationship, you can easily lose your own identity a little, as you and he become one entity in a sense. This is a chance to rediscover who you are, what you like, what you are really all about. This period of time can actually be kind of fun, because you can learn new things about yourself and discover new hobbies, passions, and interests.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7879183

Forgive? Do You Know What's Been Done?

Forgiveness. A very ancient word but a must-needed decision in our times. It is a challenge for those who want to live a life of real freedom from past hurts, pains, unfair treatment and biased judgments. When one forgives, the first person released from bondage is not the one who caused the pain but instead the one who has been hurt - you and me.

When one forgives it doesn't take away the pain immediately but it's when the healing starts. When there is real forgiveness, there is the letting go of the past, how painful it may have been so that going forward could be possible towards a brighter future. Forgetting goes hand in hand with forgiving which ushers the start of foreseeing good things.

Forgiving others of what they've done is not easy.
The deeper the hurt the harder it is to forgive. The greater the damage the longer time is needed for repair. Time truly heals as they say, but the process of healing depends on how quick one decides to forgive. Holding on to personal grudges affects the mind that stores past memories. Thinking about the past affects one's present behaviors.

What will it cost you when you forgive? Before looking into that, let's take a look first at the cost of Jesus' forgiveness when He chose to bear all our sins, our disobedience and rebellion. All of these for sure were very painful for Him. It cost Him excruciating pain, deep sorrow, heaviness of heart and mind as heavy as the cross on His back. He suffered insults, betrayal, rejection, criticism and false accusations. He was shamed, mocked, blasphemed, despised, spit upon, they tore His clothes off from His tired body and forcefully placed a crown of thorns upon His head.

Now let's make this more personal. I hope after reading this article you will still visit my blog site and you will still consider me as your friend. Here we go, what will it cost you if you forgive? Though how deep the hurt and how hard it could be, forgiveness will cost you your pride. Yap, you read it right. Pride. Why would you hold on to things that hunt you and hurt you if you can free yourself? Let's be honest, is choosing not to forgive those who have offended you makes your life happier and easier? You may say that I don't really know what you've been through, which may be true but do you want to wallow in situations and circumstances which you cannot undo?

Why not release forgiveness, learn from what happened, trust the justice of God to defend and vindicate you. You can't do anything to that which is of the past but you can do something today that would give you a better future. Do forgive.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7879411

A Comprehensive Look At Some Of The Simple Tips To Attract Women

Before we proceed any further in this article, let us once recall one of the most frequently used phrases in the world of English highlighting the woman nature, "Frailty, thy name is woman." When we look into the depth of this phrase, then we can find that this is a Shakespeare's invention in the year 1602 of the masterpiece named Hamlet.

It is very clear from this phrase that from time immemorial woman's character are very fragile. But, the contrary fact is that they generally do not get pursued by any men in their very first meeting. In order to attract any women easily towards you in the first meeting you could restore to some of the tips, which I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs.

Creating Impression:
There is a very well known saying about the human nature that, first impression is the last impression. So, in order to have a long time impact on the mind of a woman you need to establish a very good impression about yourself in the very first meeting itself. First of all you need to be well behaved, polite and presentable to the women you are with.

Think before you speak:
It is very common characteristic of a man; that they usually get excited in front of women and unintentionally speaks some stupid things. It should be always kept in mind that, fired bullet and spoken words can never be taken back. So, it is of supreme importance to think before you speak. It is always advisable to take ample time in order to evaluate the words that you are going to speak before you finally spit it out.

Attitude:
Attitude plays a very vital role for a man to attract a woman's attention. Several researches and studies have revealed the fact that, a major proportion of women love the company of a man who has a manly attitude in themselves.

Never talk about any other girls:
Woman loves to be the center of attention. To be specific women is generally attention junkies. It would result in a disastrous outcome if you talk too much about any other girl. What it does is that it reflects a negative impact on you, in front of the woman whom you are talking with.

Make her feel special:
Without any doubt one of the best ways to attract any women towards you is by making her feel special to you. It is a very simple trick to attract any women. All you need to do is to find plain and uncomplicated ways to let her feel that you consider her as an amazing person, and definitely she will notice.

Some other tips:
In addition to the above tips by which you can easily attract a woman is by dressing up well, looking at her eye in a gentle fashion, having a decent smile in your face and so on.

Conclusion:
It can be expected that, after going through this article you have got a considerable idea of how to attract women. Last but not the least it is important to say that though the tips discuss above can definitely increase the probability of attracting a woman towards you, but you need to be confident and innovative in respect of the women whose attention you want to capture.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7879283

Relationships: Why Do Some Breakups Hurt So Much?

One may experience the end of a relationship without experiencing too much pain or they could experience immense pain and suffering when a relationship comes to an end. It could then be hard to comprehend what is taking place and why this person is having this affect.

And it doesn't even need to be one that was fulfilling; it could have been average or even abusive for instance. It also doesn't need to be one that lasts that long, as it could last for only a short period of time and still result in pain being created.

The Common Reasons

There has been a greater focus on the brain in recent times and on the chemicals that the brain emits. Each of these chemicals has a certain purpose and an effect on how one feels.
The ones that are often mentioned in relationships are oxytocin and dopamine. And oxytocin is typically classed as the trust or love chemical. Dopamine is to do with feeling happy.
When a relationship comes to an end these are naturally going to subside and are no longer going to be created in such high amounts. So as what one was experiencing is no longer there, it is inevitably going to lead to pain.

Withdrawal

Just like how a drug addict would feel tense, uptight or even suicidal if they didn't get their regular dose, someone whose relationship has ended can feel the same way. But while the drug addict would be missing something that often comes in the shape of a tablet or some kind of powder; in this case what's missing is a person.

The Good Times
It will also mean that all of the good times and the special moments that were shared will have come to an end. The physical touching, the sharing and the support will no longer be there.
One may even have planned their life around this person and this can range from going on a trip together, to having children and getting married. These plans could be relatively small or monumental and define ones whole life.

Loss
What is clear is that the stakes can be extremely high and there is so much that one can lose through a relationship coming to an end. It can feel as though one's life has come to an end and that life no longer has any meaning.
So the ending of a relationship is not something that should be taken lightly or dismissed as something one should simply get over and move on from. It is a very delicate area and one that needs to be treated with compassion, care and patience.

The Ego Mind
Another important factor in why relationships can cause so much pain when they end is in how the ego mind functions. When a relationship begins and as it progresses it will feel good and be pleasurable. But, although these are wonderful experiences, they are nothing like the experience of when a relationship ends.
To gain something is all well and good and yet to lose something generally leaves a bigger mark. One may gain something without taking much notice and then when something is lost, one can't help but notice.

The ego mind typically forms associations of familiarity around what one has regularly come to experience and this is what will be classed as safe. This process can take place around experiences that are functional and dysfunctional.

If one were to make a change from something that was unhealthy in their life to something that is healthy, it can be interpreted as death by the mind. This is because it's not familiar and therefore unsafe.

Ultimately any kind of change will be seen in the same way. And when a relationship ends, one is going from what was familiar to what is unfamiliar. Even though at one point the relationship was unfamiliar in the beginning, it gradually became known as familiar to the mind. So this will be experienced as death and this is another reason why the end of a relationship can hurt so much.

The past Returns
When one is in a relationship it can be going along nicely and without too much pain and then when it ends, extreme pain can be experienced. And with the reasons above aside, this can be due to ones unprocessed history coming to the surface.

So the emotions and feelings that one has carried since their childhood and that relate to their caregivers will appear once more. Relationships are often described as vehicles that have the potential to lead one into wholeness.

And these can include the following emotions and feelings: grief, sadness, hopelessness, helpless, powerlessness, loss, anger, rage, betrayal, rejection and abandonment. One can even have suicidal feelings and end up depressed.

Although time has passed and one has physically grown up, these emotions and feelings will have remained trapped in the body. And they are being triggered by the relationship ending.

Projection
However, one can easily come to conclude that these feelings and emotions are the result of the relationship ending. And while some of them can be, they could also have nothing to do with the current relationship.

Here, it can be normal for one to project these feelings onto the other person and believe that it's a reflection of how the relationship was. When in reality, it is the result of the past being projected onto the present and may have very little to do with how the relationship was or who the person is.

Awareness
There are many factors as to why the end of a relationship can hurt so much. And getting over this pain is unlikely to be something that happens overnight. But while a lot of pain can be experienced, it can also lead to incredible personal growth and to a greater wholeness.

The assistance of a therapist or healer may be useful to enable one to release emotions and feelings that have built up. It will be important that one reaches out for support from family and friends.
There may be a tendency to find another lover to regulate this pain and yet this can often lead to more problems down the line and stop one from grieving. So in the short term it may feel like a good idea, but in the long term it could just result in more problems.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7879453